I am only human. I breathe like a human like being. I bleed. I hurt.
I am most defiantly not a therapist. I am dealing with my stuff right too. I have many selves but essentially one person.
I really cannot live in my environment right now. There is so much chaos in my head and there is so much chaos outside my head.
I cannot do everything.
I do not know what I need.
The only person I ever wanted to share my life with has been out of my life for nearly a year now. He was my everything.
My life used to have a purpose. All that is lost and tangled up somewhere now. The people I thought I had left me because my past was/is taking over my present.
This is so big and real.
The Hope for Trauma 
Therapists are human too! We bleed, we hurt, we deal with stuff. Big stuff.
I am sorry you are feeling this way, sending you hugs and strength to get through it.
It is huge. And too real. I know how you feel. When I needed support to survive, everyone in my life left me, except my daughter, and I cannot lean on her too much. I am still struggling to find purpose. Part of the problem is that now that I’m “single”, “divorced”, many people treat me the way most of society treats people who are single and in therapy – like I’m broken. They treat me as if I’m no longer as important because I’ve been “rejected” by the man. Search for a new purpose, find new people who have no knowledge of what the “old” people believe to be broken. It is they who are broken, or the way they think is broken, not you.
I am sorry that you are dealing with so much. This time of year seems to bring up stuff stronger and make them feel so much worse. I am sorry that people are leaving you because of what you are going through. I believe that you will find others and that is my wish for you. Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
Fromthesamesky, Ivory & Kate,
Thank you for the kind and supportive words. I find it awesome that people actually read my blog. I am so thankful for everyone who reads my inner most thoughts. I makes me feel not so alone.
Thanks for commenting
Hope
Hope, you are most definitely not alone. The past is a heavy weight to bear. Sometimes it seems too heavy, suffocatingly so. But I’m learning that the weight does get lighter. It takes time, and a lot of hard hard work, but it does get lighter.
I’m also learning that those who can’t or won’t help you carry the weight don’t deserve you.
Please take care.
Kerro
Kerro,
Thank you for commenting, I am breaking all ties with toxic people because they are not helping me towards recovery, they are hindering my recovery. All survivors deserve a chance to reclaim their lives & deserve to thrive.
Take Care