(Insert Feeling Word Here) Holidays

The winter holidays are almost over. 2010 is here.

I was not very successful at maintaining the boundaries of not hugging anyone. The aftermath from my family does not help me very much. In addition, no matter how many times I tell someone “no thanks” when they come to hug me they do not listen.

After the ball dropped on New Year’s everyone in my family hugs and kisses each other. This year I did not participate.

However, my friend said something to me that made me feel hopeless; she said, “Eventually you are going to have to get over this no touching thing, because it is disrespectful”.

No one really understands why touch is so scary and uncomfortable for me. They just view my refusal of touch as disrespect. I have this dichotomy going on between what I learn in therapy and what my family expects of me. I just do not know how to do the right thing.

I want acceptance but I find that I am not able to do what it takes to gain my families acceptance.

I hope everyone has a good year.

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7 thoughts on “(Insert Feeling Word Here) Holidays

  1. “no touching” is absolutely NOT disrespectful. It’s personal. Anyone who tells you it is disrespectful is not thinking of you, they are thinking of themselves. Don’t buy into what family expects of you. It’s not about what they want. Family expectations are the most damning, most dehumanizing form of dysfunction. I know first hand. Hang in there, think about what Hope needs, not what they want. They’ll get used to it.

  2. Respect has to go both ways or it feels, to me anyway, coerced. You have a right to have your boundaries respected. It’s not something you have to “get over”, unless you voluntarily choose to expand your boundaries. The irony is, you may do that at about the time your family gives you the acceptance you want.

    The only thing to feel perhaps hopeless about is that your friend still doesn’t get it. *You* are taking charge of your healing, which is about as hopeful as it gets.

    Hang in there.

    Sarah

  3. I agree with others that this isn’t disrespectful at all. Touch is a very personal thing and it’s not something you have to “get over” at all, unless you want to.

    That being said, one of my greatest healing things has been realising that hugs from friends are not threatening, and I can do it without completely freaking out. But, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.

    I agree with Sarah that this touch boundary is about you taking charge of your healing, and that is the best thing. :)

    Take care.
    Kerro

  4. Totally. It’s your body. Which is so hard to get rid of the idea that it belongs to somebody else. Taking claim is a magnificent thig — good for you. Scr*w people who don’t get it and who want to violate your physical boundaries no matter who they are!

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