I realized I haven’t posted anything since December. I have been extremely busy. I have been struggling since last post. I got nailed by the flu, March trigger season, a concussion and then I got severely hurt at work which caused me to fall into depression.
However, even in these dark times something more like someone amazing has emerged. I truly found my best friend, even though I have only known her a few months – I feel like I have known her forever. In December I shared with her that I am a multiple. I was apprehensive but she has been nothing but accepting. I have never had a friend that has accepted me so fully as her. She understands that sometimes I just need to sit in silence, be held and just be close to another human being.
When I’m away from her I miss her more then I ever knew possible. There were so many times when I tried to push her away but she continually pushed back. I have needed her in my life for so long. She wants to protect me and never hurt me. At first, it was difficult to allow her into my space because I was just so afraid she was going to leave me like so many before. But she’s been hanging tough and pushed through the spring trigger season, the sleepless nights, staying close to me during the flashbacks.
She recently met one of my most developed alters. This alter is the silliest and wants nothing more then to play and watch animal videos. Her and my alter have a sweet relationship developing. I have never felt love this unconditally in my life. To have someone love an alter is such a different type of love and closeness. Now I know why I stayed alive through all those attempts, pushed through all the pain – I was hanging in so I could have a best friend. My silly little alter recently started loving her. She told her she loves her like Legos.