I try not to write about the bad side of my past on this blog. I try to reframe everything, trying to find good in this journey as best I can. I am thankful for the place I am at this very moment.
But I think that there should be a balance. I keep deleting the sentences I’m writing but sometimes things just need to be said, written, and set free.
I’m currently in a sad place. I vomit when I brush my teeth because I can’t have anything in my mouth. I am in what should be the best years of my life and I sit trying to make sense of my past. I lay in the darkness, trying to find a way to let out this extreme feelings I have.
I have an alter emerging that has been dormant for almost 10 years. This alter was present during the first couple hospitalizations but vanished until a few weeks ago. The sadness that I feel from this alter is overwhelming.
I don’t have any other words that I’m ready to say yet. This is where I am – trying to be patient and calm.