The winter solstice came and went this year. I could feel my alters preparing, gearing up, the programming was high. My saliva tasted different and I could feel my skin change.
During high trigger days, everything changes. My view of the world changes, the paranoia takes over and I cut myself off from the world. There have been times that I have felt like I was drowning.
But I have never experienced drowning before. I know how to swim, I can doggie paddle like a champ. My journey has taught me how to swim. Even the most trigger days, I can always manage to stay afloat, I might not be sprinting but I’m still able to breath.
There is a confidence that I have developed within myself. I can trust that I can pull myself together. I have some amazing people both inside and out supporting me. Even though I may not even reach out to them when I’m close to the state of drowning, just knowing that there are people on my side, I am able to push on.
Yesterday, I spent the day doing what I love to do. I was able to help my students. The purpose that I feel is completely overwhelming and I think it’s safe to say that the winter solstice was just another regular day for me.