I reached a point in my recovery where I needed validation. There was something holding me back from true acceptance.
My little guys have a very hard time understands my abusers are dead. I have picture, obituaries but nothing really helped then understand. For some reason I felt compelled to find the place the house that most of my abuse encountered in. It wasn’t my best and brightest idea.
It wasn’t hard to find. The pictures in my mind are exactly correct. Perfect replicas are ingrained in my mind. But something surprised me when I went to see that place, it was the sounds around the area that caused me to break down. I dropped to my knees and just released pure emotion.
The sights of my past had become somewhat desensitized to me, I saw them for so long inside my head. However, looking at that terrible place made me really feel small and powerless. There was an unexplainable empty ness that filled my heart because at that moment my head and my heart connected.