I realized something the other day when I was going to my best friends beach house for the weekend. There was something internally pushing me to stay home and not go do something I was very much looking forward to. The feelings were strong and I usually give in and recently I have been a flaky friend.
I have a new alter that wants to see my Dad. My Dad was very much absent during my childhood. He was busy working, providing for my family the only way he knew. My father had absolutely no idea of my abuse.
My Dad and I have such a great relationship more recently. We have a hobby that we do together that has brought us so much closer together. My dad and I communicate without speaking most of the time. Our relationship is getting strong and it’s exactly what I need right now.
So it only makes sense that I have some separation anxiety from him. He finally has time for me and I want to spend as much time with him as possible. He’s realizing and understanding the person that I have become. He accepts me for who I am and finally views me as normal.
The first 15 years of my life were lacking him. My abusers created a convoluted reality of him that was very untrue. My Dad has always wanted me.