If she remembers

Last weekend I was in the car with my sister driving to dinner. We were talking about a subject matter that I have a lot of knowledge in, I was explaining my reasonings. But for some reason my sister could not let me be right. I asked her why she is continually arguing with my about a certain subject matter. Her answer struck me and I almost wanted to cry.

Since my sister got married she has been somewhat argumentive. She argues subjects that she doesn’t understand and always gets what gse wants because she simply will not stop talking.

But when I asked her why she continually argues with people. She said that growing up she never realized that she could stand up for herself. Our mother told her that she needed to be nice to everyone and not to argue with people.

This was the first time that my sister gave me some validation of my childhood. We were both taught to listen even when people around us were very wrong.

I hope my sister never remembers any abuse. She has everything going for her right now. She’s married, her own apartment and is doing well. If she remembered I don’t know if all of those things could withstand the journey.

People abandon you on this journey. The grip is so goddamn tight that’s it’s suffocating and you can’t breath even if your wearing an oxygen mask. I haven’t had a successful relationship since I remembered my past. I have a filter that causes me to look at the world and understand that there are some horrible people on this earth.

I watch my fan spin in the shadowy darkness. If there is a higher power, I just hope my sister never remembers.

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