The Torn Divide

Recently there have been times when I forget that I am multiple. My little people are still in there chatting away, singing obnoxious songs and trying to bribe me to give them my password to the App Store. But they are sounding lower because I am just so focused in my work.

I am present in my body more than I have been in so long. I can feel my skin against my clothing. I feel the air, my eye lashes on my face and so many small details that I am usually not present enough to feel.

I am doing well in the area of DID and life. However, I have always had a hard time with the social part of life. I am good at making friends, people think I’m out going and no one could ever tell that I’m multiple.

I’m just finding it so difficult to be social with my friends right now. One of my close friends who doesn’t know about my DID can’t understand my social avoidance. There is so much good change happening in my life. I’m so thankful to be where I am but there is a divide that I face in the social area.

When I was at one of the most social ages of my life, I spent almost all of it inside of hospitals. When all of my friends were being social I was inpatient in isolation. I think that has a huge effect on my ability to be social.

I have a hard time articulating this to people when they ask me to go to places with a lot of people. It’s just difficult and just a reminder of differences. I haven’t given this area of my life much exportation because it is painful for me. I am torn between living this amazing life and being paralyzed in many social situations.


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