At one point or another I have questioned why despite the many suicide attempts I made, I lived. There were a good two years when I wanted to end my life so badly. I went to great lengths because the pain became too unbearable.
This month marks the 4 year anniversary of my last suicide attempt. The ironic part is that on the actual date this year I started my new job. When I looked at the date, I took a deep breath, and just took in everything around me.
My life has changed significantly and I’m okay. I’m alive, truly living my life being present in my body. It’s such a different feeling.
In the past 4 years I have accomplished so much. I have developed into a strong, confident person living with alters. I have DID but no one would ever know it unless I tell them. I’m finally in a place where I have choice. Sometimes all these amazing things are simply overwhelming.
I never thought I would be successful. The question now is what do you do when your aspirations are coming true and most days it’s just great to be alive. That sentence sums up where I am currently.
My alters are getting strong and loving their lives more each day. There are still rough moments but coming this far the moments no longer define us.
I always wondered what healing would feel like. It’s the ability to breath in deeply without the heaviness in my body. It’s the peaceful nights of sleep. It’s the sound of my alters reading a book to one another before going to sleep. And it’s just knowing that there is nothing that can ever break me.