Connecting Sounds

Something happens to me when I hold babies. I feel a maternal pull from somewhere or someone. There’s an emptiness that makes my heart hurt. I haven’t been able to put words to that feeling until very recently.

I used to have a fear of young children, especially females. I always assumed it was because one of my alters wished to harm them but it’s quite the opposite. The fear was rooted in protection.

Right now protection seems to be a theme in my life. I feel like I always say this but I’m working with a new alter. This alter like all the others is very afraid to accept a new job. Something feels so very different with this one.

When I hear her experience her memories in therapy, it just makes my heart ache and I just want to protect her. When I come close to her she cries because she doesn’t me not to leave her. When I hear those words tears just fall from my eyes.

My little tiny self, was just utterly powerless.

That 8 word sentence has been on the tip on my tongue for so long- too long. I often look at my life and it hits me that I was once a prisoner mentally and physically. I think that this alter came very close to death many times due to the torturous choices of my abusers. It’s not that this alters memories are more or less intense- I think it’s the sound of her fear when she cries that explains it all. The sounds connect it all.

And the journey continues…


One thought on “Connecting Sounds

  1. Greetings!

    We wanted to reach out to some other groups that are raising awareness about PTSD. We are “Wounds That Don’t Bleed”, a group of people dedicated to bring to light the tragedy of PTSD and the effects it is having on both active duty soldiers and those who reside here in the states.

    Our team created a music video on the topic that can be viewed here: You can also check out our website here and our Facebook page here You can also email us using this address:

    If you could mention either the video, our Facebook page or our website with your group of dedicated people we would greatly appreciate it. We are all committed to the same cause and would love it if our video was able to help the PTSD cause.


    The Wounds That Don’t Bleed Team

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