Recently many changes have occurred within my life. I voluntarily moved back in with my parents. I am very near to finishing my degree and moving back in with my parents was the best option. I was very much expecting to be frustrated because my family in the past has been a big stressor for me, but its nothing like that.
I guess in the past year, I have gotten closer to my Dad, which is not anything new because I have always had a different kind of love toward my Dad. But when I say different, I mean it in a good way. I think that my Dad may understand me more than any of my family members may. My Dad and I are actually very similar in personality styles and more recently my Dad acknowledges the fact that my Mom is nuts.
But all joking aside, my Mom has mental issues that are untreated and I do feel bad for her because her mother was my abuser. She has no idea what life could be if she actually faced her past and that things that she describes to me are dissociative symptoms and not things that happens to “everyone”.
I don’t blame her anymore because she did the best she could as a person. I think that letting go of the anger I had towards her has allowed me to deepen my relationship with my Dad. I am also able to be very patient with my Mom, and as much as it makes me sad, I gave up the hope that my Mom could ever fulfill the role of a mother.
I am just thankful that I have one parent who I can have a relationship. I know many people never even get that chance, so I am taking this time to soak in all the time I can with my Dad. My Dad and I do a lot of things outdoors together, and much of the time we spend time in silence because there is something about him that allows me to communicate with him without speaking. I think it may have something to do with my little alters inside just soaking up every moment with him.