I write a lot of posts about the past on this blog. The past is complicated and I’m not sure where this journey will take me.
All past aside, this post is about the present. I realized that I’m okay. Well actually I’m more than okay, I’m content and happy.
I’m almost done with my undergraduate degree and this year was one that I will never forget. I found my passion, and my career. I watched a severely autistic child do something so simple that it put my entire life in perspective. I think that I needed perspective, I needed to feel the excitement of watching a child with autism tie their shoe for the first time. It brought tears to my ears.
I was so fearful of never being a function person because of my past but something magical happened. My past actually allowed me to be tough enough to deal with the intense atmosphere of working with severely disabled children.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that my life wasn’t meant to end despite my multiple suicide attempts. I have always had this gift with kids, I sometimes think that they can sense that I have little people inside my mind. I have the ability to be in touch with my childhood in the form of silly little alters. My alters have lives of their own, and silly qualities that allow me to know that no one can kill the human spirit because it lives on. So right now in my life the pros out weigh the cons.