March is over. I made it to the other side – there were a few times when I wasn’t sure if I could bear anymore. For some reason the emotion pain seemed to effect me more this March.
The difficult nights seemed to drag on ever so slowly. I spent those night trying to focus on all the present good I have in my life. My life is so very different and I am so thankful. But it doesn’t make those moments of fear and feelings of being alone any easier. This is a very lonely journey and yes I do have people who support me but I can’t rely on people 24/7.
I find myself experiencing reality checks sometimes. The harsh reality is soaking in and at times I am filled with fear and paranoia about the unknown. I don’t want to be alone forever and I want to be loved.
I want to be normal, something that is realistic fur my situation. That’s what my definition of normal is right now for me. Normal is buying coloring books for my littles, climbing the tallest trees and simply living a very childlike adult life. No one would ever suspect that I’m a multiple, my life is many ways is very much integrated. I’m a rigid person and my little people are on a strict schedule of when and where they can venture out into the world. This life works for my little people and I. I’m looking forward to a boring next few months.