Breaking

I thrive in a structured routine. I enjoy have a schedule that I stick to everyday. When I don’t have that I tend to not feel so great.

I think that’s what happen this week during spring break. I didn’t have all my typical distractions. I have to admit that I even missed my most boring class. I think just knowing that I have to wake up to do something helps me to feel better. I feel less depressed when I’m productive- this week I was forced to focus on the internal stuff going on. I do have a choice but this week I had the time that I could focus on internal stuff, and I was productive but it was rough.

Usually I do some internal work and then go about my day. But there was no day to do because of spring break. It felt rather lonely. There was a time when my life revolved purely around therapy and internal stuff, and that was okay because I needed to work on it. But now that my life is so very different it doesn’t feel right to focus on that, I feel like I miss out on the present when I focus on the past.

I’m glad that tomorrow is a need week and that I can go back to my schedule. I’m not sure I will be thinking that when I’m sitting in my most boring class tomorrow morning.

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