Non-anticipation

Most of my life my internal calendar has ran my life. During the change of seasons my little people think that the world is going to end. I’m glad that is not the case. Spring is approaching, but I actually didn’t realize it until today.

It’s an interesting feeling to not anticipate a season especially spring. My little people inside are too busy doing cool things like climbing trees, swimming and having adventures on youtube to even realize that it’s March.

Last year was very intense for my system. Spring was filled with hallucinations and objects appearing that did not exist. Last year I realized spring was coming way before march even began. March madness didn’t refer to college basketball for me because march was the month that everything and everyone shifted.

Currently there is only one little person who is still living life as a programmed little person. This little alter has automatic responses when my other little person ask them if they want to do fun things with them. Backwards opposite speech is a very difficult thing to hear but I know how important listening is even if its abuse related.

Every one of my little people had told me a story about their past. Each little person is a integral piece of my puzzling past. When everyone is connected physically and mentally my body is a better place to be. Life isn’t too complex for me these days, I know what works and what doesn’t. I know that the work is painful to do but it’s worth it even in the dark moments.

This spring I’m looking forward to warm weather with my silly little people and that is all :)

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