I’m slowly but surely becoming a normal person. I find myself have more good days than bad. The bad days are few and far between and for some reason I find myself not effected by bad days. Don’t get me wrong bad days are still rough but the days that I define as rough don’t last all day anymore. I sometimes have a rough few hours so maybe I shouldn’t even define that as a day.
It actually feels good to be feeling normal. I spend a lot of time thinking about my recent recovered memories. I think I have finally reached acceptance of the sadness that I have pent up for so long. I have come to the conclusion that the times when I feel what I define as bad is due to the fact that my body just needs to release emotion. Instead of pushing it down (which has previously been a person favorite of mine) I will allow myself to have 15 minutes of sadness.
Those 15 minutes sometimes feel like 15 hours but afterwards I pull myself together and go about my day. There are some moments that my past extremely effects me. It makes me feel a myriad of emotions that are confusing to say the least. But I think that’s what happens to all humans – I’m not completely sure but from my deep analysis (in the form of stalking) people are emotional beings.
I don’t feel human all the time. Sometimes I feel so incredibly conflicted – there’s a lot going on inside my head much of the time. Being aware of my alters exacerbates the non- chaotic busyness inside my mind. There isn’t chaos going on anymore it’s just a bunch of random things occurring that the same time, which I prefer over internal pandemonium any day.