I’m competing with 8 billion

Throughout this journey, I am bound to lose my way from time to time. I reach points in my life where I am uncomfortable because I am a real human being. Just like about 8 billion other humans on the planet, I experience life as it occurs.

Sometimes I forget that every day is just a microscopic portion of my life. A few rough weeks are nothing, absolutely nothing. Tough times are something that goes along with this journey.

I tend to be quite hard on myself, due to my competitive nature I feel that I need to compete with the rest of the approximated population of 8 billion. When I write that sentence, I realize how irrational my philosophy of life may truly be.

I think that even though I am hard on myself, it may have a positive side to it because I strive for greatness. Just 5 years ago, I celebrated Christmas locked inside of an inpatient unit and just 5 years later, which is not considered much time healing wise- I have managed to build a better life.

Today I gave my alters Christmas presents because even though they do not always listen to me, each of them helped me survive though my childhood. Their survival mechanisms no longer serve a function in my current life because I am no longer trapped. I live a free life every day. I think for myself, I see the world on color and each time an alter chooses to join the fight toward wellness my life gets better.

Programming is still present but many of my alters have converted to being on my team. My T continually tells me that everyone of my alters and I are on the same team and there are not teams at all but that’s not how it works inside.

I think that when my alters and I stop dividing ourselves into teams I will be able to stop being so hard on myself. Like I said this is a journey, and journeys take time, especially this one.


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