I’m trying push through this rough time. I have this way of thinking on the bright side- I’m an optimistic person. But I don’t feel like me right now. I just feel so lost in everything that is going on in my mind.
I’m trying to do what I can to work through it. Because that is what I do- I work through everything. I come out on the other side, stronger because even when my mind is completely overwhelmed like it is currently something or someone breaks through.
I’m just trying to hope that happens because that all I can do. Getting through minute by minute, taking deep breaths. I’m apprehensive about therapy this week because it quite possibly could be the roughest, most painful sessions yet.
My “host” alter who used to run my body went into hiding about 6 years ago. Recently she emerged, our life is very different than it used to be and I know a lot more about my abuse now. Last time she ran the system we were hospitalized for almost two years. She is going to emerge in therapy this week because I can now say that I got to the end of my alters for sure. This is what I have been working towards for the past 6 years.
I did it- and I’m proud of myself but it doesn’t mean I’m not terrified of what will happen when she does emerge. Six years is a very long time- it’s 2,190 days. Many things have happened during that time. Most of the changes in our life are awesome but the information we discovered is not so awesome. I’m just hoping that my host part understands the hard work that I have put in order to get where I am today.