I watch a lot of animal planet. I noticed recently there are many different shows documenting children who were raised in isolation from society. Most of the children took on animal like qualities because most fled to the safety of the forest.
I find it so fascinating to see people who lived most or some portion of their life in captivity. I feel that I can relate and understand how and why they resorted to their adaptive ways. But I think when the human body and brain lacks the proper human like social needs the brain creates a level of homeostasis in order for the human to continue survival.
I have been studying a lot about the social environment and I am learning that it does matter. Everything is effected even if you are isolated from the world for a short period of time.
Brain synapses learn to fire at different times and there is a huge mind body connection that occurs.
I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be in a cult. That sentence has been so surreal for me to say and think. But it is the truth- my truth and my past.
I am coming to a point where I am able to look at the concept of my abuse in an intellectual way. Cults or organized groups follow the model of total institutions developed by Goffman. He said that within situations of total institution people are re socialized to act in ways an authority figure feels fit. For some reason it helped me a lot to truly understand Goffman’s concept. I think studying the model allowed me to see that all people within the model are completely powerless in the hands of the authority figure.
My guilt is slowly fading away and although it is freeing, there is a deep sadness and understanding that I feel about my past and my alters (even the most programmed ones).
I guess in a way I find myself relating to the “wild children” on animal planet because I too fled to a forest. But my forest existed within my mind. Inside my mind there are children, frozen in time trying their best to live a life that was forced upon them.