One week from today I will have made it through the fall season. This fall was different for me and I felt more prepared and confident in my self and my selves. I have more people on my side inside and I think it’s the most important part (no pun intended) in healing.
My mind is such a different space since I started doing intense internal work. Doing internal work is hard in the moment but it does pay off and eventually I started to feel the results.
The results are subtle but when compared to last year I am in a very different place. I can finally say that I am in a better place and I am exactly where I need to be in my life right now. Taking advantage of everything and just being thankful that I’m alive.
I am done feeling guilty for living. I spent so much time trying to end my life because I couldn’t bear face the past that was handed to me. I felt responsible for everything because that is what I was taught. But for the most part I have been able to unlearn many of the untrue messages of the past.
I recently started using positive affirmations to help me to combat some of the programming. I am finding that it helps me to reframe specific situations especially during times when I feel paranoid. I actually learned about positive affirmations in a DBT group that I did not enjoy but I do use some DBT skills in my every life so i guess it was sorta helpful.
I haven’t seen my T is 3 weeks and I’m doing good but it will be great to see her next week. It’s nice to feel results because much of the time I can’t feel progress. I heard that change happens when you least expect it but I’m happy change happened when my T was on vacation :)