There are a ton of patterns that exist in my current life. I am a creature of habit because consistency allows me to feel control. And control helps me to be a functional and productive individual. And when I’m productive I feel good.
But right now I have a pattern in my life that is not so great. I have an alter inside my brain who is preparing. This alters preparation occurs every year. They do the same things, I see the same signals and death threats.
It’s just the same every year, nothing changes in their plan. But something has changed this year. I have changed. My perception of my hurtful alters have changed.
Even my alters who want to hurt me served a purpose once. I’m learning that my newly unacclimated are going to test the limits and they are going to do the only things they know. They know how to hurt and harm even though they have no idea why they are doing whatever it is they do. They simply act as one would act if one was trapped in a cult. One wouldn’t know that ones decisions are not the greatest. Because one is/was my little self.
To be honest I just stopped being afraid of new alters. Every single one of them all want and need the same thing- love, acceptance and most importantly a new job.
I forget that there was a time when my little buddy C wasn’t my buddy- she was just a new alter trying to figure out my world in the present.