Usually I am so great at sucking my feelings up. I can pull it together when everything is not so together.
Not many people know what happens between the four walls of my therapists office. People have no idea that I have parts of myself frozen in time. I have little people inside my mind that were tortured and hurt. Little people make a terrible sound when they cry because they are afraid. The sound that breaks my heart every time I hear it.
These little people in my mind were once me. Paralyzed by fear and pain, waiting for parents who never seemed to show up.
These deep emotions are bringing me closer to healing because I know that this is just part of the process. But the truth is I feel that acknowledging my deep sadness is one of the most difficult things right now.
I know that as days pass the feeling will lesson their grip. I know that every point in the journey makes me that much stronger. I know once I get through this portion of my life nothing else will ever be this painful. I think just knowing that is allowing me to push through.