Change is the only constant in the world. I used to be afraid of change but these days I welcome it. I feel that change gives me a different perspective on any situation.
I found that the change of scenery when I moved to school has allowed to to understand the dynamics of my family. Everyone plays a role in the dysfunction each person acts in a way to continue the unhealthy relationships within. There was a time when I did play a part in that- it was when I was silent about everything.
I am not sure if many people know this but I was a very shy child. When I say shy I mean painfully shy. When I started school I refused to speak which makes perfect sense. My little mind was splitting into the alters that I know so well today. My alters helped me to not be so shy and they would come out when I couldn’t.
In a way I needed multiplicity because it truly preserved my human spirit which never was able to be broken. There was a time when I was fearful of people and human contact more specifically physical contact. But as I got to get to know my alters I began to feel more comfortable allowing myself to be close to others. I don’t think it would be fair of me to generalize all people as bad because that is not true. The majority of people are good and they haven’t been sent by the group to spy on me. Most people lead boring lives, which is okay with me :)
I can see the changes in myself even in the past few months. I feel more comfortable in my skin and being myself is actually okay.
Back in December I took a risk and told my friend that I was a multiple. It was quite a learning experience for both of us. Her and I would just sit in my room talking about life as a multiple for hours. For the most part it was a cool experience, except for the few times I was extremely triggered. Before December I felt so different from the world but sharing my experiences as a multiple with my friend helped me to be less critical of myself. I’m no different than most people- if anything I’m healthier than some due to the amount of therapy I continually attend.
Change can sometimes happen instantaneously or it may take years but no matter how long it takes change is an amazing thing. I realized that I like change a lot when I found myself rearranging my furniture in my room last week.