Past Friendships

During my rough years I have lost a ton of friends, mostly because I had no mental energy to put in to friendship. That is the past and I’m so very different. I try to be an active friend in friendships these days when I can. Getting closer to my alters has helped me a lot because strategies that I use to communication with them I use with my friends. I think that I am a good communicator because I have so much practice with my alters that I was bound to eventually learn the art of good communication skills.

My best friend from high school has been there through everything and I appreciate everything she did for me but she does not know how to interact with me now that I am healthy. Shes stuck in my past and I feel at times that she is constantly looking for subtle signs of my alters and DID in general. It feels like she is constantly judging me whenever we hang out together. But the truth is yes, I am a multiple but at the end of the day I’m just as normal as anyone else.

I do not feel that she is able to see past my past and that is okay because I understand that it may have been traumatizing for her but she needs to let me be the healthy person that I am.  It makes me sad to have to think that we are growing apart. I am not sure if I still want to be friends with her because I find it uncomfortable.

My sister also had an issue allowing me to be a healthy person because she too witnessed the hospitals days and the suicide attempts. But I was sick and I needed help and I am a healthy person who has tons of dreams. I grew as a person but the people around me have not- instead they stay the same. My sister and I have a unique relationship because I have to constantly remind her to interacting with me the same as she did in the past.

I think that when people encountered the traumatic flashbacks that I was experiencing, it was forever burned into their memory. But I understand that people need time and I need to regain their trust of my mental healthiness through my actions. I hear that time heals all wounds but I think that you can give people time but eventually I need to move on from people who are unable to view me in my present state of healthiness. I think that I need my sister and my friend need to prove to me that they can look at me as I am at this very moment.

I made a conscious decision one day when I was laying on a hospital quiet room floor that I was going to live a life that I was intended to live. I think that my childhood wasn’t ideal but I can’t and I don’t let it continually effect my life. I have a really awesome little healthy life because I decided that I wanted a chance to have a life because I never was given the chance as a child so I think other people should give me a chance as well.

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