I am not sure what emotion I am about to attach to this sentence but what I do know is that my abuser and I are no longer living in the same world. 5 days has gone by since my one of my most sadistic abusers has died. I did not attend any of the funeral festivities or read the obituary. I have not talked to my family since my abuser died but my sister sent me an email yesterday about the funeral. I wanted to share a portion of the email because her words made me feel something.
“I’m glad that you didn’t come to the funeral because I know that it would have been very difficult for you. (I hope that you did something fun :)) I felt myself unable to cry or feel sadness for the death of [a person] who we once called our family. All I could think about was you, I just kept thinking about that sound that you used to make when you cried. The sound of fear because of the actions of [this person]. Yesterday was not about [this person] it was all about you because now you can live your life”