Today I was with a friend that I haven’t seen in about 2 years. Her and I were in the same program when I was at my worst- I now realized the terribleness that my first 2 years of stabilization. I was mistreated and over medicated and mental health professionals made a ton of mistakes in those few years.
I found it so interesting that after surviving my childhood, in many ways my first 2 years in a trauma program was somewhat similarly abusive. I was given injections everyday because it was easier to chemically restrain me than it was to talk to me. I was on so many different psych meds and my head was just so cloudy. I was treated like I was psychotic when I wasn’t.
I didn’t need to be restrained chemically or physically- I just needed someone to give me a chance. I needed someone to not be afraid of me because I was so scared of myself. I needed someone to have confidence in me until I could have it for myself. I think that the mental health system failed me because because DID isn’t considered a biological based disorder. I think that the psychopharmacology movement of psychology helps some people but not all.
I was one of the exceptions. I didn’t need medication or restraints- I needed someone to listen to me. I needed a chance to heal in a respectful way. In many of the different psych hospitals I spent time in, I was treated like a second class citizen. But, the truth is I survived more in my first years of life than most people in their entire lifetime. I am not “disordered” in any way, I’m adaptive- I survived and now I’m thriving.
So tonight when I saw my friend, she said she didn’t know how I made I through that terrible time. She also didn’t know if she would have been able to. I agreed with her, to this day I’m not sure how I made it to this point in my journey. I would have never realized that almost 5 years later that I would be where I am today. Non medicated, 3 years inpatient free and truly experiencing the life I was intended to live.