There are things that I’m still learning and figuring out everyday. I get frustrated with myself sometimes because I have a taste of healing and living well. That’s one thing that I don’t need to learn and its something that is just amazing. I have this amazing opportunity right now and I have tons of people on my side.I get afraid that others are going to judge me that I am so overly critical of myself and I over think a ton. But really no one is judging me or stalking me. It’s in my mind and it was once my presence which is now in the past.
I spend unneeded energy on those things instead of focusing on the now. My present is good and healthy and its actually fun at times. I have become so consumed with my past lately that I forgot to acknowledge the present.
I feel that this new alter has caused me to feel a little discouraged because I haven’t work with a new alter in quite some time. The last new alter that I work with was my silly little buddy C- he was actually quite difficult because he had so many strong unsafe behavioral urges. He used to hit his head against the wall. But now when I think of him I think about him I don’t think about the difficult part instead I think about his silly songs, strange cereal eating habits and his random yet humorous requests of bribery.
So I know that its possible for this alter to get to C status. I realize that when you do the work with new alters its all about teaching them about the world that I live in which is very similar to the life that I live everyday. However, I think it’s a life that many people live even only’s- someone on facebook posted this quote and I really think it captures the point in which I am trying to learn. “When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them”. Change happens but I think while its occurring I forget that I need to be patient with myself and to just appreciate everything that I have right in front of me in the present.