Anywhere but up

I don’t think there are any words I can say to express what I’m going through and feeling right now. I have a sense of powerlessness that makes me feel afraid.

The next few week are going to test the limits of myself both as a person and as a human being. The dehumanization of my past is so heavy and I can feel it everytime I breathe. I know that everything happens for a reason but I’m not sure I would say that in this case. These were reasonless acts that continually effect my everyday.

I heard this quote somewhere once- “it is the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it”. I hope that quote is true because all this so called “progress” I’m make seems like I’m standing still waiting for one of my worst fears to take place.

I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m afraid. I wish I could stay with my T 24/7 because I’m just so unsure of myself and I don’t want to make this worse. But there really isn’t anywhere to go but up from here- hopefully.

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