Human connection

I am so different from the rest of the world and most people who are my age. Developmentally I am still around age 5. I find myself wanting human touch in ways that inappropriate for my physical age. I was sitting next to someone on the bus this morning on the way to class and I just wanted to lay against them in a non-sexual way.

Now that I have been able to feel safe touch I find myself wanting it and needing it more. I’m trying to find I way that I can give it to myself but it doesn’t work or feel the same. I have a difficult time articulating my need for safe physical touch and it feels wrong to want to be held. I know it’s not wrong but at my age it’s not an appropriate social action. Within the context of my life my wants/needs for human connection makes sense.

I got a comment from a reader a while back and he talked about the need for sunlight and how important it is for people who grew up in darkness. Both physical/mental and social darkness. But I used to go tanning and I found that I did better. Even though I enjoy being tan- I really was able to feel the warmth safe-ness of the tanning bed. It was only for 10 minutes but in that 10 mins I was able to soak in the feeling of safeness. When I was tanning I felt myself needing human touch less. I think the solution is clear.

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