C goes to class

I should be studying for my exam right now but considering the topic -mental illness. I can def say that I have an over abundance of knowledge in that to not be studying right now.

Which brings me to the point of this blog post. During difficult times I find myself not being able to find words to express what I am feeling. Due to that I find myself blogging less and thinking so much more.

It was quite interesting that I woke up today feeling like I could explain and express myself with such ease. I know this may sound like a load of crap but that’s what it feels like- there’s a lightness feeling to my body that feels quite freeing and calm.

I think the only way to describe this phenomena is to compare it to a storm. It’s calm after a turbulent time- the wind and the rain come to a halt and the sun begins to shine through a still cloudy sky. The warmth of the sun can be felt by all- in my case all means, most of my alters.

On a side note- one of my alters came out in class today. He is very intelligent and he has a charismatic way about him that causes people to listen to him. So for the sake of confusing-ness, I am going to call this alter C. So C knows a lot of information about different kinds of fish and my professor was talking about gender and different breeds of fish. C got so excited and I could feel him getting close and he asked me if he could come out and tell our class what he knew. I think he knows by now that if he comes out in public he needs to be behave himself and not talk about anything grotesque or I will push him back in and not let him come out until he understands why that people don’t want to hear about grotesque things. So anything C came out in class and everyone in my class thought that “I”, I mean “we” were really knowable about fish. This is only the 2nd time that C has been out in public other than in my T’s office. I was starting to trust him more every day but during March he wasn’t able to follow the rules but now I know it was because he was afraid. But now it’s April and he’s talking in class about his love of fish- this is one change that I actually like :)

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