I do not really know how to articulate what I am about to say but I know in 3 days March will finally be over. I’m hoping that my alters will go back to their normal much calmer selves as April approaches. I am not sure if that is a realistic goal or rather a want/need because right now my programmed alters are close to the surface. They are so close that they are bothering my other alters- the ones who I have worked with the most.
I realized tonight that I am the one stopping or slowing the process of my programmed alters. However, in order for me to move forward I need to forgive myself. I am a terrible person, I did so many terrible things, and yes, I know that they may have not been my choice but I still feel responsible for the lives, people and the animals that I harmed. I hurt other human beings and animals in a terrible way- I wish there was a way I could apologize to everyone that I unwillingly hurt.
My past actions make me question if I really am a person at all. I don’t understand how am supposed to forgive something like that.