Slowing- Possible Triggers

I do not really know how to articulate what I am about to say but I know in 3 days March will finally be over. I’m hoping that my alters will go back to their normal much calmer selves as April approaches. I am not sure if that is a realistic goal or rather a want/need because right now my programmed alters are close to the surface. They are so close that they are bothering my other alters- the ones who I have worked with the most.

I realized tonight that I am the one stopping or slowing the process of my programmed alters. However, in order for me to move forward I need to forgive myself. I am a terrible person, I did so many terrible things, and yes, I know that they may have not been my choice but I still feel responsible for the lives, people and the animals that I harmed. I hurt other human beings and animals in a terrible way- I wish there was a way I could apologize to everyone that I unwillingly hurt.

My past actions make me question if I really am a person at all. I don’t understand how am supposed to forgive something like that.


One thought on “Slowing- Possible Triggers

  1. Hi,

    Yes I totally understand what you are saying, you feel as though you are bad, to blame, and an abuser. But those are lies. You did not do those things, you were a tool that they put in their hand hoping to make you feel the way that you feel, lies about your innocence and value and worthiness. They are all lies. I have been there myself, so many times, and I know telling myself does not take away all of the pain and blame and shame, but it does take a little bit of it away each time I am able to tell myself the truth.

    It is not your fault.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


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