I have spent most of my life hating my body and myself because someone hurt me. I was only three years old and I did not know how to fight back. I was a baby still learning about the world.
I view the world so differently. I am trying so desperately to move on because I do not want my life to be consumed by my past- and I do not want my past to be in my present. This process that I am working through right now is agonizing. I hear the sound of my young alters crying and my heart hurts for that little person- I can imagine the fear that was inside of my eyes.
The sound of my pain in the form of flashbacks is hard to listen to because all I wanted was comfort. I lived much of my childhood with sadistic grandparents who kept me in a cage. That sentence was so difficult for me to write and to say. But it is true- I spent most of my childhood locked in a cage like an animal.
I have been trying sort this out inside my head for a while. But I just do not understand why I chose to hate myself and hurt my body when other people hurt me.