When I stay at my parents house it brings up many feelings for me. I see my abusers picture all around and I even sometimes get stuck using the towels that one belonged to my most sadistic abuser.
I sleep in the same bed where I contemplated and planned many suicide attempts. I remember crying myself to sleep many nights. I remember how unsafe is used to feel in this bed. I remember all my favorite hiding places for razor blades and many other unsafe objects that I should not have had. Many sleepless nights were spent in this bed at my parents house being afraid of having scary nightmares.
Being at my parents house it doesn’t feel like its my home. Because I have so many difficult feelings that occurred here. I remember laying on the fuzzy carpet in my room at my parents house- feeling so trapped.
But now I am free from so many emotions that are attached to the past. I have my own place to call home and I am just content with where I am right now. I no longer have to live in this toxic verbally abusive environment- I am finally free from this aspect of my life. It feels good- refreshing actually.