Unwanted Mental Health Day

Today I took a mental health day- not by choice but because I physically and mentally could not pull my self together in time for my class this afternoon. I had a session with my therapist this morning and I thought that I would be able to attend classes but it didn’t work out that way.

I felt like a total failure when I realized that class was not going to be a possibility today. My therapist kept me for longer than expected because I’m working with new alters and she had time. My therapist and I have a standing agreement that I am okay with staying longer if needed. Today I just couldn’t break through the dissociative block of the new alters. When I did finally come back I couldn’t even see straight and I had a severe headache. When I got home I took a shower and attempted to get ready for class but I couldn’t fight my body and my mind.

I don’t like when my past interferes with the present. I feel that my abusers have stolen enough of my life so I don’t want to miss out on anything more especially if it is school related. I think this is the reason why I felt like a total failure because I am stubborn. I refuse to let my past dictate my life any longer but at times my stubbornness interferes with my self care.

But today I just couldn’t fight my body and my brains message to slow down. I texted a supportive friend and told her how I felt and she told me exactly what I needed to hear- to stop being so hard on myself. When she said that I realized that I do need to stop being so hard on myself. I am an overachiever and I want perfection when it comes to school stuff but just because I couldn’t go to class today doesn’t make me a failure- it makes me human or dare I say “normal” :)

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One thought on “Unwanted Mental Health Day

  1. Hi,

    I am glad that you were able to reach out to someone and that you got the right feedback. Another way of looking at what happened was that you were working on healing and needed to process and combat a high level of dissociation in therapy and then you needed to engage in self-care.

    Yes, you were being hard on yourself but seriously how much feedback do you get from other multiples that this is a normal experience with therapy and new inners. Okay I think I told you once before that it used to wipe me out. I would be exhausted for the whole day. I couldn’t do much more than climb into bed when I got home and ended up too triggered and scared out of my mind to fall asleep for hours and hours. I had to schedule therapy and support groups on days that I did not work or have to do anything else and for a time it was hard to even do that. It is also good to be

    One thing that I think the abusers robbed me of was self-care and it has been important that I take that back from them. Among a million other things.

    Good and healing thoughts to you dear.

    Kate

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