Today

Today was one of those days that I felt so hopeless. I woke up from a nightmare-ridden sleep and I couldn’t get myself together. I laid in my bed trying to think of all the good things in my life but for some reason all, I could think about was the pain that is inside my heart.

Some days I just cant pull it together and be productive. Especially recently -because I have been working on many deep SRA memories in my therapy sessions. All I want when my heart hurts that much is comfort. I want what anyone wants when they are hurting and it has taken me so long to know how important human touch can truly be.

My body has repressed these horrific memories for such a very long time and I am so thankful. I am finding and feeling the true power of healing tears.

Today I acknowledged that my abuse was bad and a part of me died as a result of the many years of silence and pain. I drove to my aunt’s house today and I just laid next to her and told her that I was only going to let myself cry for 20 minutes. My biggest fear is that I will cry forever and never be able to stop.

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One thought on “Today

  1. Hi,

    I remember what it was like for me when I was doing the same thing in therapy. It was so hard. I can relate. I worked and the rest of the time mostly shuffled around the house like a zombie. So if you are doing anything that is saying a lot for you. I’m sorry that it was and is so bad. Tears can be so healing. I have known lots of other survivors who have feared the same thing about the tears never stopping. It didn’t happen, but they still fears losing control completely in that way.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

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