Results

If I was an outsider looking in- I would definitely think that, I am a cool person.

I am intelligent- sometimes beyond others comprehension. I have this amazing photographic memory and my memory is the reason why I have very vivid still and moving pictures of my abusive past. Even though my memory at times can be annoying, I am realizing how much of an asset it is when it comes to school.

When I am sitting in lectures I have about 20 alters listening at any given time. When I am recalling my lectures my alters are willing to help me out. I actually did a pseudo-experiment I tape recorded one of my lecture classes and I purposely dissociated the entire class- but I still appeared to be paying attention :)

The results of my experiment made me feel so much love toward my alters. When I asked my alters about the particular lecture that I zoned out for they were able to recall all of the information word for word. I was stunned because most of the times, I can feel their presence but I did not think they were listening.

I have been working with my T for quite some time trying to learn to love my alters. I know that all of my alters are me and if I say that I don’t like them then it means I don’t love myself.

My alters are sometimes difficult to work with and they do not always listen because they are just like me stubborn as hell and do not take no for an answer. My alters were born because I couldn’t cope alone during my horrific childhood- in many ways my alters are truly a gift. But it has taken such a long time to find the meaning behind this gift.

I wish I could tell people how amazing, silly, cute and funny my alters are. The ways that they see my world is entirely different- small things are adventures in their eyes. Touching something soft makes my alters so happy and they are content looking at the world through my eyes.

Integration is not an option in my system because all my alters are too amazing to combine into one only.  And besides most of the world already thinks that I am an only :)

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2 thoughts on “Results

  1. “I wish I could tell people how amazing, silly, cute and funny my alters are. The ways that they see my world is entirely different- small things are adventures in their eyes.”

    I agree. I love them so freaking much, I can hardly believe that such wonderful beings sprung from my personality. For me, I know I’m not healed enough to integrate and I am fine with us being many for the rest of our life.

    Good and healing thoughts to you all.

    Kate

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