Trusting

I used to be so afraid of being who I am and I always felt that I “should” be someone else. But today I realized that so many people love my un- integrated self.

I recently began seeing a guy and he changed the way I view males. Being around this person has also helped my alters to see that not all people want to hurt us. This particular guy is a serious exception. I was weary of getting into a relationship because lets face it- I have some issues :) Nonetheless, I was very honest with this guy and I was very surprised by his reaction. I told a very watered down version of my past and I told him if he wants to get into a relationship with me he has to realize that means dealing with my where I am right now. He was very sweet and told me that he thinks I’m strong.

Sometimes I wake up and I realize how different and amazing my life is even though I’m still on this difficult journey. I am learning that healing and trusting other people is such an enriching experience that I defiantly missed out on during childhood. Trust is so important to being a human.

Recently one of my alters felt trust for the first time. This alter was terrified that if my therapist touched her skin then it would somehow burn if off. She resisted touching my therapists hand for months even when she wanted to. The day that this alter finally did hold my therapists’ hand my alter began to sob uncontrollably. My alter could trust my T because she didn’t touch her skin even when my T wanted to console my alter and help her to feel safe. I don’t know what my life would be like if I never trusted anyone.

I trusted one of my friends and I told her that I am a multiple. Trusting her with my secret has been so freeing and liberating. She doesn’t judge me instead she asks me tons of questions to try to understand how it all works. She even uses the word “singleton” to describe herself now. If the world had more people like her it would be so amazing.

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