I am a success story and I defy my past everyday.
Recently I have encountered some very judgement people. Rigid thinking is something that I won’t ever get used to hearing.
I am a social science major so I am able to take some classes about mental illness. I take these classes for a few reasons- I understand the material quite easily and I want to see other peoples knowledge and reaction to the world of mental health.
Today my professor when over the broad categories of mental illnesses. I am lucky to have a great professor that makes it a point to acknowledge the great level of intelligent that many people who are mentally ill possess. I find that to be so great because much of the time people stereotype and forget that the mental illness does not define the person it is just something that occurs.
With that said- I have a friend that I study with and as we were going through the disorders and we got to dissocitive disorders she whispered and said “have you ever seen a person with multiple personalities?” I responded “no have you?” We were in the middle of class so we continued the conversation as we were walking outside. My study partner said that she knew someone that had multiple personality disorder and she said yeah, people who have that disorder are “total freaks”. I tried to remain as calm and natural as possible even though inside I was getting frustrated. I asked my study partner why she felt that multiples are “freaks”? She said that “it’s because they act like different people and talk in different voices and they are highly dangerous because they kill people.” At this point I was just in pure and utter shock.
I wanted to tell her that I am a multiple and I am not in anyway a “freak”- and I don’t kill people. And that multiple personality disorder is a rather old term- because it’s actually called DID. I wanted her to know that when she said all those judgmental things she was judging me and my people who fight the agonizing fight everyday.
No one chose this life- it just happened because of other peoples decisions and many people who are sadistically abused during child spend most of their lives trying to be functional beings in this cold sad world. I am very sad that many people are so uninformed about DID- the stigma is reinforced and it makes me feel so utterly hopeless.
I don’t get to live the simple carefree life that most 20 something year olds live. I spend most of my money on gas to get to my therapy appointments. I have to do the work that someone else should have done. I’m feeling pretty angry that my parents didn’t protect me and do their job when they left me to the hands of my abusers. I spent and still spend much of my life feeling responsible for my abuse when I couldn’t do anything to stop it at the time. I wish this wasn’t my life and I could wake up from this horrible nightmare.
I know that I currently have a pretty okay life but right now I feel judged and I am just utterly frustrated.