The world failed me so many times. The justice system failed me. I was neglected and hurt because so many people failed me and at times even the law failed me. I was failed so many times. I blame myself for things that I couldn’t have control over.
But I’m going to let myself be free because I spend too many hours avoiding a pushing down my truths and blaming myself. I know that this is going to be the most painful memory yet and it may not be the last but I know that I need to just let myself and my body be free.
I now have this amazing and beautiful life now that defies everything and the past failures. I am a straight A student with a 4.0 almost every semester. I am involved in so many things that enrich my life for the better. In the past few months I have truly become something amazing. And this summer I am going to be going abroad to something I have dreamed about for so long. I don’t want to be keeping my truths inside anymore because its affecting my life in the present.
I recently had someone tell me that they wish they had my life. I wasn’t sure how to respond but I just said an empty thankyou. I wondering how anyone would want to be me because much of the time I do feel crappy but I forget that’s lots of people feel like that sometimes. And a part of me got angry because the person who said that doesn’t know my past or my pain but they do know my present. This person can see my passion and love for all that is good in my life. This person can see my late night study sessions with my classmates and the determination I have even when I feel shitty.
Even when the world failed me, I never let myself accept failure as an option. I am a perfectionist because I know that I need to have my own back because the world doesn’t.