The past month in therapy I have made so much progress. But this progress comes with a price.
After I have a progressive session I can’t sleep for days. New alters don’t know the rules. They don’t know that we need at least 6 hours of sleep. Or that they can’t hurt our body.
The rules are the same but some of my alters are all new at following my rules. They have their own rules so I guess that it means they can take direction from somewhere.
It has taken me years of intensive work to finally get to the place where I can let highly programed alters out. But it’s a whole different kind of headache. I know my T is getting frustrated with my alters. I am too.
I am doing so well at school and I’m so afraid that these alters are going to mess up the awesomeness that I have going on here. I know that I have made it thus far because of my alters and my T but this just feels so different and scary. I just wish I could just stay in my bed for the next few months and wait it out…the progress.
As much as I love being here at school I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time not because of the work but because there are people everywhere. And sometimes I just want to be alone for long extended periods of time. There are always people everywhere and eating has been pretty difficult because I’m uncomfortable and I don’t want people to watch my every move.
I’m skipping all of my classes today because I just can’t be around people or hear any outside noise. There is quite enough of both going on inside of my head.