I am so thankful for the life I get to live now. I have so many friends that get to experience me everyday. I have fought so hard to get to this place. And I deserve to be here just as much as everyone else.
It’s my turn to finally be happy with who I am. I have become my own worst enemy. I psych myself out when I need to be cheering myself on. Life is hard for everyone and living life in silence is even harder.
Today in one of my classes my professor asked us to write about something that we have been silent about. It was an anonymous submission that she read aloud. As she read the now unsilenced words I began to cry. Everyone experiences pain and today it was nice to just be in that moment where I didn’t feel like so different.
I have found what my teacher calls the golden thread. I think that I deserve to be hurt and that I am not good enough for anyone or anything. But that’s not the truth and it has never been true. My grandfather conditioned me to think like that so he could be in control of me.
My T told me that when I acknowledged that it meant that I was able to let it my abusers float out into the universe. And my world did begin to feel more like mine.