Road Called Cross

I think I have previously written a post about a similar topic. Well, anyway I have noticed over the years that my blog has changed a lot. I started writing two years ago after I isolated myself from the world for a few months. I was just lost and at a crossroad and somehow I stumbled upon word press and well… you can fill in the rest of the story.

But what I am attempting to say is that I censor a lot of the things that I write on my blog. However, I am at this place the street called cross road and I feel that it would be best for me to share more real and raw aspects of my past.

I need use my blog as I intended to. With that being said, I want to say thank you to all my readers who comment on my posts. I read every single comment and they help me to be the person I want to be because I know that many of you too were and are on the road called cross.

A few months ago, I released something that happened in my past. I had a very emotion filled session with my T and she cried. Ever since that moment, I have been struggling with this memory. I just kept telling my T “you weren’t supposed to stick around this long” meaning I wasn’t supposed to trust her enough to let this memory out.

As I am sitting in my room right now I am fearing the words I am about to type. I have only spoke them one time on my entire life. Right before I told my T about this all I could do was laugh because I had so much anxiety about what I am about to say. But right now I feel like I can’t type fast enough and the battery on my laptop is flashing.

It always seems to die at the most inopportune times but nonetheless this is the part where I am adding a trigger warning.

Trigger Warning**************************

I don’t really know when this started but I always had these feelings that I was growing something in my stomach. I can remember even at the age of 7 thinking that a doll was growing inside me. The details are so fuzzy because I had just eaten. And it always seemed to get very fuzzy after I had eaten food. My eyes were in black and white- the color of the world was absent. There was a doll growing in my stomach.

to be continued…

***********************End Trigger.


2 thoughts on “Road Called Cross

  1. Know that feeling of “Wow when did We begin trusting enough to stick around?” Scary good stuff tho. Traveling the road out of the past arrgh, empathy. Thank you for sharing your climb. Ravin

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