The wait

My sister recently got married. And I actually was able to enjoy the celebration. It was so nice for a change- I was just able to be myself.  Many people in my family do not know my story. Therefore, in some ways I am thankful for that.

I did so many things to prepare myself for my sister’s wedding. I am afraid of churches and religious practices are confusing for my insiders. Nonetheless, I was able to attend the religious ceremony without being overly triggered.

I felt so accomplished as I walked down the aisle- and at that moment all of my alters listened and let me have what I needed.

For the first time I had forgotten to prepare for the family members that I would have to interact with. I have to admit- hearing family members talk about my abuser in a positive way is one of the most painful things throughout this entire process. It feels painful and raw because in a way they are invalidating my pain.

I understand that each individual has a different relationship to my abuser. Some see my abuser as a parent, grandparent and even a friend. Writing that sentence made my insides hurt.

I am glad that this week is almost over and I am on my way to vacation for the remainder of this month. When I return from vacation, I will be getting ready to move to school. Finally, the wait will be over :)


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