Layers

I have tried to forget my abuse during various parts of my life. In the first part of my life, my body did the forgetting automatically and caused me to repress most everything.  When I first recovered my memories, I attempted to make myself forget my memories. Well, I would not actually call this forgetting it was more of ignoring.

Now that I am beyond that stage of healing it is my alters that are trying to take back all the memories and pretend as if they did not occur. I believe this is happening because they are trying to protect out abusers. I feel that this point is the most frustrating. It almost seems that some alters can cause other parts who have been out in the real world for a while regress so to speak.

The alters that I have been working with in therapy have forgotten the rules and guidelines that I have spent years putting in place. I constantly have to reinforce basic thing that they had down for almost a year now.

There are so many layers to “forgetting”. However, I discovered something somewhat metaphorical; one of my abusers has dementia, which causes the abusive individual brain to create plaque buildups that affects the abusive individuals’ memory. My abusers condition is very far advanced to the point that this person cannot create sentences.

I am not in any way saying that one deserves to have dementia; I am just stating that it is somewhat metaphorical that my abusers body automatically “forgets” everything.  It is just another one of those layers…

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2 thoughts on “Layers

  1. This is a difficult stage and at times will seem like a total waste of time and energy, but what I have discovered so far about this stage is that your alters are testing you to see if you can handle what is repressed and if you will still be there for them no matter what. Keep trying your best to work through this stage. It is so worth the effort once you get past this. We’re here cheering you on :)

    *Bee

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