About three years ago I was in an intensive outpatient trauma program. The program itself was so wrong for my stage of healing at that particular time. Nonetheless, I stayed there because I had nothing else. I had so many body memories during the course of the program everyday.
At first people helpful then it stopped being helpful and it was just pure painful hell. People started to talk about me saying I wanted attention. It was so far from the truth I just needed time to be in that place. My alters just needed to be heard and that was the reason they had so many flashbacks.
I have a strategy for getting through painful stuff like that. I block everything out -in this case I avoid people from that program. For the past few years it has worked but I constantly see people from the program at school and in public places. I understand that it would happen from time to time.
I just wish this person knew who I am now because it’s nothing like I was then. It’s just a reminder of that time and I don’t need reminders anymore.
I was thinking of apologizing to this person because then maybe it wouldn’t be so uncomfortable. But I don’t know if that would do any good for me. Because I really didn’t do anything wrong I was just healing.
I am just glad that in 9 weeks I am done at my school and I will get to move on to a larger school. Until then I am reminded.