I keep it together almost everyday- when people see me they don’t see a chemically fogged sad person anymore.
That was then and this is now, the present 2011. No matter the year or the date I still struggle everyday. Therapy is hard very painful and the only physical support I get is from my therapist.
I go to all these meetings and sporting events. I see all these die hard moms- and it absolutely kills me. They would do anything for their kids. It is one of the most painful feelings to realize that I didn’t get what I needed.
I am trying to just let go of negative feelings towards my family specifically towards my mom- so that I can hang on and have some sort of mother-daughter relationship.
To be perfectly honest I don’t love my parents and I am so angry at them. My mom still visits my half dead abuser and my dad pretends like its okay when he knows its not. She is never going to pick me no matter how hard I try.
I am dealing with some very tough memories right now. I want comfort. I want to be rocked like a little baby because I’m afraid- I’m scared and I’m sad.