Today I told my therapist that I think I have dissociative identity disorder. I know that may sound like a very funny statement but in the past few weeks I have been noticing things. Believing that I am a multiple has been both good and bad.
The good part was that I now have an answer to so many questions. I do not think the word “good” should be used to describe DID. Nothing about it is too enjoyable another blog I read written by Kate describes it perfectly.
I feel like there have been many stages where I was not really sure that I was actually DID. The initial diagnosis was long and drawn out. I have been misdiagnosed so many times that I was just waiting for a new diagnosis. Four years strong and I still have the same DSM code (300.14) on my therapy receipts.
Then there was the point that I was convinced that everyone is a multiple, which is true to an extent. At this particular point, I was in serious denial, which I partly blame Google for because it was before I recovered memories of ritual abuse. I researched about DID read tons and tons of psychobabble and I concluded that I did not have DID because I was not sadistically abused- I just had some bad dreams.
I experienced SRA but I did not know anything was wrong with it and I have always been a minimizer. Therefore, when I had flashbacks about ritual abuse stuff I thought that I might have a minor case of PTSD. So now that brings me to my current stage of realizing that I am DID.
As I walk into my therapists’ office every week I realize that I have parts that talk to an outside person. In addition, I have other people inside my head that talk to me. And they have a lot to say!
Something funny happened yesterday- that might have inspired this post. The child I babysit asked me if I heard voices inside my head. It was nothing more than a silly question so I played along and I said, “Yes, I do have voices in my head -everyone has voices in their head”. He laughed and then replied, “the voices in my head speak Spanish”.