The voices in my head speak Spanish

Today I told my therapist that I think I have dissociative identity disorder. I know that may sound like a very funny statement but in the past few weeks I have been noticing things. Believing that I am a multiple has been both good and bad.

The good part was that I now have an answer to so many questions. I do not think the word “good” should be used to describe DID. Nothing about it is too enjoyable another blog I read written by Kate describes it perfectly.

I feel like there have been many stages where I was not really sure that I was actually DID. The initial diagnosis was long and drawn out. I have been misdiagnosed so many times that I was just waiting for a new diagnosis. Four years strong and I still have the same DSM code (300.14) on my therapy receipts.

Then there was the point that I was convinced that everyone is a multiple, which is true to an extent. At this particular point, I was in serious denial, which I partly blame Google for because it was before I recovered memories of ritual abuse. I researched about DID read tons and tons of psychobabble and I concluded that I did not have DID because I was not sadistically abused- I just had some bad dreams.

I experienced SRA but I did not know anything was wrong with it and I have always been a minimizer. Therefore, when I had flashbacks about ritual abuse stuff I thought that I might have a minor case of PTSD. So now that brings me to my current stage of realizing that I am DID.

As I walk into my therapists’ office every week I realize that I have parts that talk to an outside person. In addition, I have other people inside my head that talk to me. And they have a lot to say!

Something funny happened yesterday- that might have inspired this post. The child I babysit asked me if I heard voices inside my head. It was nothing more than a silly question so I played along and I said, “Yes, I do have voices in my head -everyone has voices in their head”. He laughed and then replied, “the voices in my head speak Spanish”.

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5 thoughts on “The voices in my head speak Spanish

  1. Oh wow! How old is that little boy? and
    Have you never before been diagnosed as having DID? I bet it would be, well, um, not very pleasant to figure it out yourself. I can’t even imagine that. Of course, there are those who sort of “know” all their lives – I didn’t have a clue.

    • The boy that said that is 11 he’s hilarious. But I have had a DID diagnosis for about 4 years now, I never truly accepted myself as a multiple until recently. I didn’t know that hearing voices and having parts was a problem. So I guess I didn’t have a clue either. Depends on how you look at it I guess.

  2. I have a split that speaks Spanish! I also have a split that speaks German, one that speaks Chinese, and a couple that are fluent in ASL (American Sign Language).

    And to add to what Ivory and you said…
    I kinda knew my whole life, I just didn’t know what it was called. And growing up with it and not being able to find a way to describe it was tough. I eventually gave up and tried to ignore my splits. My life got so out of control because of it and I ended up with my T. One year later I was diagnosed with DID.

  3. I knew for six months before I went into therapy and talked about it. She was getting ready to tell me the results of a DID test that we did together when I was going to say it and someone else introduced themselves to her.

    I think that those who use the good label are in need of a way to attack the stigma society puts on the label of DID. I think that is a good method and I did it for a time.

    Now I don’t label it good. But I also don’t label it bad. It just is what it is. I was abused, I split, it happened, I survived (that is the good part for me). I am working on healing (another good part for me). I respect that we all come at it from different angles.

    I’m glad that you found a way to wrap your mind around it and accept it. That is huge. Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

  4. Ahh that boy sounds so cute! I’m really glad that you’ve come to a place of acceptance – I hope that will help in the healing process (I’m sure it will). Denial is such a huge part of it, and from my experience and knowledge it often takes a long long time to get to this place.

    Hugs,
    xx

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