I have had a rough week. I went into a place that felt all to familiar. It’s a place where there is no air to breathe. Everything is dark, there is nothing to look forward to and my heart is in a constant state of hurt. There is no love in this such place only the feeling of hate towards myself and my body.
I wished I would never cross that path again- but it did happen. I was paralyzed by my feeling unable to move. I could feel the closeness of death- a death I freely accepted because I truly just needed a break.
I forget how to breathe. I lose my way because all I can see and feel is a heavy deep darkness.
My previous encounter with darkness was before I was somewhat connected to my body. And I have to say that the darkness was harder to fight now because I am more self aware. Sure I can still dissociate my feelings but something about feeling drives me to stay present. It’s a sense of being alive and human.