Beyond

I am beyond frustrated. I have not seen my therapist in well over a week. I guess that maybe I do need her. I really do not like saying or even typing those words.

I cannot stand being needy. I hoard voicemails from my therapist there are currently nine messages saved from the past year or so.

I cannot run right now because I need to get tubes put in my ears because I have constant ear infections. However, I just started doing doctors again. And they are going to have to put me under general anesthesia. It is confusing for one of my parts who is very young. She has flashbacks about her ear area and it is just scary because once she gets out of control there is no stopping her. I need the tubes though because I have a pain that I am unable to dissociate.

It bothers me that my past still gets in the way of things that my body needs. It is so exhausting to be me some days beyond exhausting.

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